I am an American woman, married for eight months to an Iranian. Although I have a general idea of Allah Almighty’s basic laws regarding husband and wife, there are things I am not clear about.
My husband accused me of talking to a non-Muslim man who lives in our area. I denied this, and by Allah who holds my life in His hands, I told the truth. At my husband’s request, I bathed – ghusl – and repented for all my sins – tawbah. I then took up the Qur’an and asked Allah Almighty to punish me if I told a lie. He also asked Allah’s punishment if it was not true that he believes me. However, all this was of no use because, even though he said he believed me, he does not and continues to bad mouth and accuse me.
I want our marriage to work but he now tells me it is haram for him to take care of me or to give me money despite the fact that I work to pay the rent and other bills. It is very difficult for me to hear the bad things that he says to me. But Allah al-Rahman, knows that I do listen to my husband and do whatever he wants me to do, even though it is becoming exceedingly difficult for me to continue doing so. I do not want to stop and thus displease Allah.
What is the law concerning this? He does not want to go to any religious teacher – shaykh – for help because he says none here can help. He is more learned than I am and says we have to help ourselves. I need help to keep a clear heart to prevent myself hating him and thus incurring Allah’s displeasure. Please advise me.
You are a good Muslim lady. You performed ghusl and have put your hand on the Holy Qur’an to tell the truth. Your husband must believe you, for if he does not, he is committing a sin.
Regarding the financial aspects of your case, you must know that it is not your duty to pay rent or other bills. According to Islamic rulings, the husband must pay for all these. Furthermore, a husband is not allowed to say bad things to his wife. He must repent for what he has said and done in the past. If he was learned, he would know not to behave towards you in the manner you describe. You should only do what your husband wants you to do if that accords with Shari’ah.